Voiceless on Yule

Recently I have come down with strep, and now a cough to accompany it. I have since lost my voice completely. I haven't been this sick in almost a year. I am sure it is a plethora of many factors that have got me to this exact point. Stress is always a huge factor. When I get stressed out with no way to let it out, I tend to get sick. Not just a cough or a sniffle, but full blown can't get out of bed, couldn't sleep, too much coughing, can't breathe kind of sick. Yes, I drink lots of tea and water. I am taking about ten different vitamins a day. So how am I so sick? 
Being a naturalist it is hard for me to go to the doctor, and even if I absolutely have to, I have to wait until I get paid or my husband does. In that time that I have to wait, I get significantly sicker. With asthma, my immune system is already weak no matter how many vitamins I take. All it takes is one person to sneeze, cough, and/or sniffle around me and I get sick. Let's go back to the stress of the matter. I get stressed very easily due to my ginormous heart (not enlarged mind you, just generous). My mother always said that I kill my self to help others. She's right. I worry about every one else before my self. Don't know why, I just have always been this way. I go out of my way to help the people closest to me when ever they need me. Today I should have been resting but my younger brother told me last night that he hasn't had any food in his house for weeks. I quickly made him dinner and demanded him to look up the closest food shelf opening times. I promptly got out of bed today, took my vitamins, drank a whole bottle of water with my antibiotics, and took him to the food shelf. I stopped at my in laws to drop off their computer that our friend fixed for them. My mother in law first scolded me for being out of bed and then gave me a winning scratch off for twenty dollars for my brother. I was filled with emotion that I just can't really describe to you. My little brother was almost in tears. He was blown away by her generosity. I felt a great pride for my mother in law. I took my brother to the food shelf and then to the grocery store to get him meat. He kept thanking me over and over again. I was just relieved he wasn't going to starve on my watch. He also kept scolding me for being out of bed when I should be resting. I didn't care. I just wanted him to have food in his house so he wouldn't starve. All I could think about was making sure I did the right thing for my family. That is what drives my husband nuts. He wishes I would take care of my self first. I just can't do that. It just isn't who I am. So I guess I will always get sick cause I just can't stop my self from doing what is right. My family is more important to me than the sun is. With out them I would have nothing to keep safe. Nothing to hold dear. Nothing to live for. I will continue to "kill my self" for my family every day until I take my last breath. Nothing will change that. When I am done at the end of the day, I focus on me. I have been resting at home since I dropped my brother off at his place. I am trying to get better. I will be staying home tomorrow. I actually have a girlfriend coming over to make me soup and cookies. She plans to chase my sickness away with love and food.

I think I am one of the most blessed women in the whole world. This Yule I am most thankful for the people who support me no matter how crazy I get. I may not have my voice today, but my heart has certainly been heard. 


Blessed be,
 Sabrina